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by What Happened To Judy Winslow?

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I Don’t Know what im gonna do because I hate working but I hate being broke too and Ive gotta find a way, to make some honest money and not fall into a grave, but working a 9 to 5 seems like a worthless, unproductive waste of time but if living means slowly dying inside then Ive got no other better choice than to live out the rest of my life. And im caught in this storm, where less is more and im losing my fucking mind trying to even up the score but it don’t make no difference cause they always find a way, some way to infiltrate all the things that keep me sane. Now Im thinking of a world without you or me, no pawns for the corporate industries, no mindless drones to fuel their bloody wars, I could sit back and tell you all this meant to me I could lie down surrender all my beliefs but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t feel this way.
never give up, never give in, don’t let those monsters in your head always win, hang out with family, hangout with friends, hang out with people that you’ve just met, make plans to hang out, make sure they work out, but even if they don’t give it another chance, make plans to hang out, make sure they work out but even if they don’t you have another chance
Bottle Down 01:14
Well I hopped on the bus off to the library, not really looking for or expecting anything, back to the wall, waiting for the doors to open, nose to the wind, I am finally starting to notice that these days seem so great, the clouds cover up the sun, everything is okay but what an awesome surprise it would be too see your face but it is still such an awesome day. And I was doing really bad but im doing better now cause I picked up a new friend , and put the bottle down, I don’t think I can go back to the way I was before, passed out on the floor or stumbling back to the store but these days seem so great and there is no need for that stuff in my life anyway, but thank you dood this has been so great, it is such an awesome day.
Replies 00:56
Things is still don’t know, final fxxxxxy ring tones, waking up early to take a walk, conversations with the stars, repiles found in the sound of passing cars, though the most meaningful questions still go unanswered, gangsta rap on the radio, passenger seat, I am on my way home, spent the weekend just talking and hanging out, time to get in buckle down, feeling lost in my own town, neighborhoods full of people that I don’t know, a whole world full of people that I don’t know, a whole room full of people that I would like to know.
Weekend Getaways make me feel alright, hanging out with ruth and Justin in surprise, not doing much, just hanging out, playing games with him at his house, listening to records and watching old movies, not doing much of anything but I woke up feeling like I could get something done, with a new level of confidence, and power to have greater and better days, not to worry too much about anything, one hour bus rides don’t mean that much when you are hanging out with people that you love.
Stupid 01:11
I cant quite put my finger on the way I feel about things now, but I’ve gotta get these thoughts out some way, somehow, well I could write them on a paper so that you can read, all the things I think about and how they affect me, I could send you an email if I thought that you’d respond, that you have gone thru the same things and everything doesn’t turn out wrong, well I would give you a call if I thought that you would answer because to hear your voice right now would make things so much better. I guess ill do what I do best, ill just write another stupid song like this.
Pieces 00:47
Theres a hundred pieces of paper, with a hundred different feelings, do I throw them all away like I did so many things or relive the way I felt when I wrote those songs and realize I was doing it all wrong, do I take the ones I like and put them away? With those letters from chris and fliers from trunk space, maybe ill find some that will help me relate and realize the best things in life never really change, the best things in life never really change.
im thinking about things and how they should have been, im sorting out associates and the people that I call “friend” but my mind plays tricks on me when my feelings intercept, im on a crash course and im going down fast, this is for anyone who ever called me back, the people I choose to spend time with, I’d help out in the drop of a hat, this is for anyone who has ever crossed my mind, even if I haven’t seen you in a long, long time, these same old feelings are starting to come back, but I think this time its time I got my life back on track, make things better for me and my family, this year will be better than the last one…hopefully…this is for jesse, Ashley, wall-e, Richard and chris and anyone who has helped me out through all the bullshit…
I am reconfiguring all the sad that’s in my head and turning it into time that I spend with my friends, go out to shows, dance and scream and sing knowing theres no other place that I’d rather be, in the front row with all the skanking kids, memories blacked out, fully drunk when I did, in the front row, we’re all singing along, we’re all dancing and screaming to the sounds of those songs. Im hitting up the racks to pick up some fliers and zines, thumbing through records, comic books and cds, stamp on my hand so I can back in, waiting outside for the next band begin, in the front row we’re all singing along, we’re all dancing and screaming to the sounds of those songs, trunk space is the place that I would like to be, every single night of the week.
Fry Hugs 02:00
Mirror 01:12
From the moment I awoke, I started to choke and I could hear my inner demons laughing, I stood in front of a mirror for what seemed like a thousand years, trying to recognize who was looking back at me, so I wrote down some words, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get those thoughts that are inside, outside of my body but in the end it was a painting of a man who was more or less surely lacking.
You could say we made it very far, you could also say that we never left the yard or we’re stuck in the same place that we were yesterday, crying out for help with blood on our hands in a messed up world we sigh and you demand, anything and everything that’s not nailed to the ground. Tell me there is something worth left to find, some kind of solace, yeah some kind of peace of mind, I know that im living but im fully aware that im dying, this skin is a prison, I cant get out but I cant help but try. And if there really is a god, I wonder where he is, probably out watching out over some little kid, instead of keeping a closer eye on mankind, because killers and rapists live to grow old while the good die young, rest their souls and it’s hard not to feel we’re in a growing decline. Well tell me there is something worth left to trade, something worth salvaging yeah something worth left to save, we’re all slowly running, and we’re fighting for that last breath, when all is said and done it will be gone and there ‘ll be nothing left.
Photos 00:57
I just got done talking with my friend on the phone, I called him cause I was feeling a little sad and alone and we’ve only hung out a few times, I just wish he was more of a constant in my life, I wish we could meet all of our friends, we would share smiles, new friendships would begin, yeah that’s the way the world is supposed to work, not ignoring our feelings or acting like a jerk and this is worth more than any one can buy, this is worth more than anyone could ever buy, photos cannot capture the beauty in your eyes.


released November 4, 2015

Thanks To Jason Kron For His Presence, Feedback And Letting Me Use His Computer To Record This.


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What Happened To Judy Winslow? Phoenix, Arizona

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